Saturday, April 10, 2010

OCD, Not the cool kind

About 5 years ago I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I vague diagnosis by far. I don't have the cool OCD. You know, the one that causes someone to clean religiously every day. Or, to have all the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen organized an labeled. Nope. I have the kind that causes irrational thinking. Except, the irrational thought never goes away. I just keep thinking the thought until it drives me totally insane. And, once it hits that point, the thought becomes rational to me, but far fetched to others. It is a curse for sure. It causes insomnia, anxiety and even anger. Sometimes I will laugh at a thought, and try to shrug it off. But, it still continues to nag at my brain.

This condition became much worse after the birth of my first child. I couldn't leave the house because I imagined us being in a car accident and my baby dying. Not just dying, but I could picture the car hitting us and my baby in her carseat flying out the window onto the pavement. It was terrifying.

Now that I have 3 kids, I have become more comfortable with managing the OCD. It isn't as intense anymore. After you have a baby for the first time, there is so much going on with emotions and hormones, that I don't think I really stood a chance of "thinking straight". Now, I hardly have time to think at all. And when I do get time, it is usually at 1 a.m. and I am exhausted. Oh insomnia, how I hate thee.

I think now that I started a blog, it will help me sort my thoughts. Write what is on my mind at the moment and maybe I can sleep better. Let's keep our fingers crossed!


  1. I want to talk to you more about this. I had the same issue. Severly.

  2. Absolutely Sarah! I had a severe episode once when Dakota was 7 months old. I ended up having a panic attack and experienced full body paralysis due to hyperventilation. Was so scary!! Ambulance showed up and everything. That was when I knew something was wrong for sure!

  3. I remember when that happened. Scary for sure.