I make Christmas gifts because I am poor.

Homemade gifts are awesome. Right? Well, if they are cool gifts and not lame crocheted tissue box covers or really bad fruit cake. Who am I kidding? Fruit cake is always bad. I have started on a few projects in the last week. I am hoping the recipients of these gifts enjoy using them as much as I enjoyed making them. Here are a few examples:

Crocheted hats




Here are some lotion bars. Well, lotion "rounds". They are made of Shea Butter, Coconut Oil, Beeswax and essential oils. These are Grapefruit scented.






I think that both are great gift ideas. I will say, even though I do enjoy making gifts, my hands hurt from crocheting :) And, I am usually up way after the kids are sleeping so I can keep up with it all. I am having fun though.

Any of you making your gifts this year? If so, please share! I would love to see your ideas.

My adventures in crochet

My mom loves star quilts. I can't sew worth a damn. So, I decided to crochet her a star quilt. I will NEVER do another one. I think it is beautiful though and I know she loves it, so it was worth the work. If you want one, you gotta pay me :)

I don't have to talk about my kids 24/7...

to prove that I love them. I love them more than ANYTHING in this world. But I don't need to tell you that, right? I sometimes feel guilty when I tell my husband that I need to get out of the house because I have been home ALL DAY with my children.

I sometimes feel guilty when another mother asks to get together, but it has to be during the day so all of the kids can be together, and I reply with "Maybe some other time". I don't say no every time I am asked. I actually say yes most of the time. I LOVE to see my kids play with others and I really do enjoy company, even if we don't get to speak to each other much during play time.

I REALLY feel guilty when I ask another mother to get together for dinner and drinks and I get the "blank stare" from them. Like, they look at me with this "how dare you want to be away from your children for more than 5 mins" look. I will note that this look has not come from any of my established friends. Most of the "looks" have come from moms that I haven't spoke to since receiving said "looks". Yes, I want to talk about other things than my kids. I want to talk about politics, health, a good book and maybe a little gossip. That is not a bad thing!

A part of me gets what others may think. But, I also believe that there are A LOT of mama's out there that feel the same way I do. I need a break sometimes. All good parents deserve a break. Yes, I believe I am a good parent. Just because I want to get out and have some fun does not, by any means, mean that I don't love or want to be around my kids. It just means that I would like to keep my sanity. Being a stay at home mom is a lot of work. I have 3 kids under the age of 5 years. It is a full time job. I am not saying moms that work outside of the home don't work just as hard, because they do. And they deserve a break too.

Now, with that being said, I certainly hope my mama friends can understand where I am coming from. I hope :) And, if you need a break, let me know! I need one too.

Back in Montana

We made it! It has been a while since my last post. A lot has happened since then. Hubs got a new job in Missoula, MT and as of the 14th of June, we are Montanans again. I am happy about this move. Now that some of the dust has settled, I am truly starting to become excited. New area, new friends (hopefully), and new adventures as a family. Missoula, from what I have been hearing, has a lot to offer families and I am just starting to do some research on it.

The kids have adjusted well. We have only had a few melt downs but those were mostly due to being off schedule and not sleeping in our own beds. We spent a week in a hotel, and I must say, I don't want to do that again. But, I am thankful that we were able to have a mostly smooth transition to the Big Sky.

The only problem we have run into is with the house we rent. The property management and the landlord are horrible, but this is only temporary. I must remind myself of this daily. We have a roof over our heads, even though we pay out the ass to live here :)

I am lonely though. I will admit that. I miss my friends a lot. I miss Dakota's friends too. I understand that it will take time to get to know people, but it is a intimidating task sometimes. Especially since I am older and a mom. I just keep the faith that it will all come around.

Moving Stress

I need a Xanax. STAT!

Mama, am I beautiful?

This is something my 4 yr old daughter asks me on a daily basis. I always reply with "Yes, of course you are!" I am sad that she asks me this question so often. What has happened to her that made her doubt her beauty at such a young age? Is it because she watches too many "Princess" movies? Has someone at her preschool told her she was ugly? Did I do a bad thing by letting we watch me put on makeup? Or is it just a normal phase for a little girl to go through at this time?

She has been on a dress wearing kick for about 3 months now. She won't wear anything else but a dress and tights, and if I am lucky, I can convince her to wear a long sleeved shirt underneath. We have fought over this many times. And she broke my heart when she said, "If I don't wear a dress, I will not be beautiful!!" With tears in her eyes, I told her she could wear her dress. And then I sat her down and explained that she is beautiful not matter what she wears. What else can I do?

What happens when she is 13 and is worried about her body image? How can I balance telling she is beautiful every day and make sure she doesn't become selfish or too self involved?

I can only hope that it is a phase. I can only reassure her every day that she is beautiful. Because I believe with all of my heart, that she is.

OCD, Not the cool kind

About 5 years ago I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I vague diagnosis by far. I don't have the cool OCD. You know, the one that causes someone to clean religiously every day. Or, to have all the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen organized an labeled. Nope. I have the kind that causes irrational thinking. Except, the irrational thought never goes away. I just keep thinking the thought until it drives me totally insane. And, once it hits that point, the thought becomes rational to me, but far fetched to others. It is a curse for sure. It causes insomnia, anxiety and even anger. Sometimes I will laugh at a thought, and try to shrug it off. But, it still continues to nag at my brain.

This condition became much worse after the birth of my first child. I couldn't leave the house because I imagined us being in a car accident and my baby dying. Not just dying, but I could picture the car hitting us and my baby in her carseat flying out the window onto the pavement. It was terrifying.

Now that I have 3 kids, I have become more comfortable with managing the OCD. It isn't as intense anymore. After you have a baby for the first time, there is so much going on with emotions and hormones, that I don't think I really stood a chance of "thinking straight". Now, I hardly have time to think at all. And when I do get time, it is usually at 1 a.m. and I am exhausted. Oh insomnia, how I hate thee.

I think now that I started a blog, it will help me sort my thoughts. Write what is on my mind at the moment and maybe I can sleep better. Let's keep our fingers crossed!